The Diary of a Secret Tory MP: (Almost!) True Stories from the Heart of British Politics

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With a front-row seat on the, erm, backbenches, the Secret Tory MP has picked up on all the petty rivalries, bad decision-making and scandalous affairs that Whitehall has to offer. All my mates back home were really clever and sharp, and working behind a till; all they’d need to do is move to London and they would be earning six figures. My dad is very clever, he has a lot of varied interests, both my parents have, which they seem to have passed on to me. The one objective is to destroy the Tories; amplify their ludicrous behaviour and turn it into comedy by making it grotesque.

Join the mystery MP as he drunk-texts Liz Truss after a crate of WKD, accompanies Jacob Rees-Mogg (and his kids) to picket a foodbank, takes on the French in the ‘Trawler Wars’, and euthanises Rishi Sunak’s dog – and that’s just October. That sense intensified after he first started his Twitter account, a parody of the Conservative MP Mark Francois, which he did “desperately hoping that some of these Tories have got more about them, but they’re really not very bright”. Since its inception in 2019, the account – which now has nearly 200,000 followers – has been the focus of magnetised speculation: “Retired anonymous Conservative MP, part-time arms dealer” was how he described himself, though everyone knew that wasn’t real-real.They are purported to be a sitting member of the UK Parliament and have been leaking reams of sensitive information from the heart of the Conservative government for the last three years. Finally, though, he decided that remaining anonymous was contributing to a fake news environment and he should out himself.

Into that happy but high-stakes scene, Morris dropped a hand grenade last Wednesday: a video revealing that the Secret Tory, a Twitter account lampooning Conservatives from a thousand directions, has been him all along. As his personal training business grew, he was working at a gym with two friends who “were also reformed characters; they’d been in even more scrapes than I had when I was younger. He would tweet imagined WhatsApp messages between ministers, Alice in Wonderland fantasias that disappeared into the wilds of Liz Truss’s ignorance and Jacob Rees-Mogg’s creepiness. True Stories from the Heart of British Politics, which is really sprightly, droll and powered by deep disillusionment. I chose a gym in north London, picked up a load of clients straight away and suddenly I was mixing with all these illustrious people.It was through Abbey Shakespeare Players that he met his wife in his early 20s, but “I was a bit wild at the time, getting into all sorts of scrapes, so she wasn’t having anything to do with me then. Surprisingly literate, The Secret Tory is also behind the trenchant and insightful Papua New Guinea Courier, also available via his twitter page.